Columnist Samantha Renke reflects on the pressures and pitfalls of the festive season, with a message for anyone who might find the winter months a challenging time
The greatest gift you can give yourself is to be kind to yourself. It’s taken me years to be able to stop and take time for me, to set boundaries and put myself first. And that includes how, where and with whom I experience the holiday season.
I am a ‘Christmas-holic’. I love nothing more than going all-out at Christmas. As a child of the eighties, Home Alone was my Christmas how-to manual. Nothing brings me more joy than buying gifts for my cherished people and decorating not one, but two Christmas trees.
Over the years I’ve had the privilege of some amazing Christmases; spending them in Mexico, Germany, and France. But one of my favourite to date was the Christmas before last. My first Christmas alone.
CHRISTMAS ALONE
It was my last Christmas living in London. I wanted nothing more than to spend it in my little Shoreditch flat with my cats. Ironically, everyone seemed worried about my mental health – they saw my choosing to be alone as a cry for help.
On the contrary, it was exactly what my mind, body and soul needed. What made it so perfect? I could just be me. There were no time constraints, no pleasantries, there was no pressure to drink alcohol at 7am or overeat until you felt sick. No drunk family member telling you they think you’re brave because you are living life as a Disabled person. No guilt in taking a nap because your body is beat.
It was peaceful. I woke up when I wanted, stayed in my PJs and cooked a mini Christmas dinner. Bar a few video calls to family, I barely spoke all day. I’d never felt so calm or content at Christmas.
PRESSURE COOKER
Christmas can be a pressure cooker for anyone, but throw a chronic illness or condition into the mix and it can become an unpleasant, anxiety-inducing time.
As someone with Brittle Bone condition, I can’t remember a Christmas growing up when I didn’t fracture a bone. I’d often have my arm in plaster – much to my sister’s delight as she got to ‘help’ me open my gifts! I also lost my father in November 1996, and the Christmases that followed have always been tinged with loss.
Making yourself a priority is the best gift you can give yourself. You may upset a few people along the way or be overcome with FOMO, but following your intuition will always be the best thing to do, long-term.
Over the years I’ve realised that holidays and celebrations, no matter what shape they assume, are just one day, one blink in your lifespan. All we ever have is the present moment, and we can find joy no matter what the circumstance. Please be kind to yourself, and remember – Christmas is just one day.