ADHD – attention deficit hyperactivity disorder – is everywhere… Or so it seems. But the neurodivergent condition, which affects 3 to 4% of adults and around 5% of children and young people, has been chronically underdiagnosed. Thanks to increased awareness, more people are coming forward for assessment – people like Alice, 43, who opened up to Enable’s Editor about her experience of being diagnosed with ADHD as an adult
Looking back now, what were the signs of ADHD that you can clearly recognise in your childhood and adult life, but were missed?
So many. The school reports about how I could do better if I tried harder. The fact I could focus more on the subjects I enjoyed. Getting distracted and forgetting what I was doing. Constantly people pleasing to feel worthy enough to be loved. Being more awake at night but finding mornings impossible. Always being made to feel like or told that I’m too much or not enough. The fact my brain works better with a fixed deadline – but even then I work through the night to complete stuff instead of doing it during the day before.
I’ve found out a lot of my mental health struggles and how I managed them are common with undiagnosed ADHD and ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder), which I think I also have, but keep forgetting to organise Right to Choose for an assessment.
WHAT IS ADHD?
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder – ADHD – is a neurodevelopmental disorder (like autism spectrum disorder, Tourette syndrome, and dyslexia), which is characterised by a persistent pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity. It impacts day-to-day life, with symptoms ranging from excessive talking and restlessness, to regularly losing things and making big decisions without much consideration. According to the NHS, ADHD is thought to be recognised less often in women than men. Many women realise they have the condition during perimenopause, when oestrogen levels decline and affect dopamine regulation, amplifying ADHD symptoms. Support for ADHD can include medication, psychological support, and lifestyle changes, such as regular exercise, consistent sleep schedules, and help with daily functioning.
Can you describe what finally led you to seek an assessment at the age of 41, and what it felt like to receive the diagnosis?
A friend of mine said she thought she might have ADHD after seeing some Reels about it, and she thought I had it too. Realising I have ADHD and then it being confirmed didn’t feel like finding the missing puzzle piece – it felt like finding the lid of the puzzle box. There are still lots of pieces in the wrong place or that I need to find, but at least I can see the picture now, rather than relying on what others have told me it should look like.
What do you feel you’ve lost because your ADHD wasn’t recognised sooner?
Though I’m glad to finally have the diagnosis and to understand myself better, I can’t help grieving who I could have been with support from a younger age. Being told for decades that you’re lazy, useless, weird, not good enough, a failure and so on until you internalise those thoughts has an impact on your mental health.
To function and regulate my emotions, at different points in my life I’ve relied either on self-injury, including starving and hurting myself, or binge eating and drinking alcohol.
Despite now knowing why I’m struggling with something simple like leaving on time or doing housework, I can’t help telling myself that I’m ‘useless’ or ‘a failure’. I also have financial struggles – after escaping an abusive relationship which left me with debts, I became a mature student. I’ve been paying back student loans for 15 years and my debt has only risen because I’ve never earned enough to even cover the annual interest.
Because of things like my consistent lateness, lack of confidence and fear of failure, I’ve felt unable to push myself to get better jobs. This has led to me struggling financially for years, alongside ever-increasing student debt. I finally have a job with a supportive boss and a good wage, but much of my wage goes on clearing past debts.
How has receiving treatment and understanding your ADHD changed your life?
Starting ADHD meds has made a significant difference. My focus is a lot better, my aches, pains and fatigue are less, my period became regulated again, and I now only have one or two migraines a month as opposed to one or two a week.
I’ve lost weight because my body/ mind isn’t demanding junk food and alcohol just to manage life. I used to drink nearly every day – a bottle of vodka that would have lasted less than a week now lasts me nearly six months.
After years of pushing my feelings down and minimising myself to be more tolerable to others, I’ve realised how numb I was before. Since starting meds, I’m feeling my emotions a lot more and dealing with feelings and hurt I’ve ignored for decades.
If anyone recognises themselves in your story but has never thought they might have ADHD, what would you want them to know?
Don’t let anyone deter you from seeking an assessment. The press and social media are full of claims that having ADHD is a trend because of the high numbers currently getting diagnosed, but that’s rubbish.
I know it’s hard, but advocate for yourself. Waiting lists can be years long, so sign up ASAP, even if you’re not sure. Better to have the choice to turn it down than the desperation of starting from the bottom when you need support.