Anxiety that disrupts your life is more than just a few worries. Kate Stevenson speaks to anxiety experts Joshua Fletcher and Alison Seponara
When Josh realised his anxiety had crossed the line from being difficult to manage to becoming potentially debilitating, it wasn’t a dramatic moment. Instead, one day it dawned on him that the social event he’d skipped on a bad day had snowballed into skipping every social event. The meeting that he didn’t feel like attending in person? Now, they were all online. Slowly, Josh’s anxiety had taken over, and he’d withdrawn from his life.
“My anxiety got so bad I developed agoraphobia,” admits Josh. “I couldn’t leave the house for six months. My world got smaller and smaller, until everything I was doing was about avoiding the anxious feelings.”
Now, years later, Josh is a sought- after therapist specialising in anxiety disorders. While he’s evidently an expert practitioner, his patients trust him because he’s been there himself. “I know what it’s like when anxiety is running your life,” he adds. “But I also know how to turn it around.”
BREAKING POINT
So, at what point does anxiety become serious? The UK’s Equality Act 2010 defines a disability as a condition that has a substantial, long-term effect on daily life. For many people with chronic anxiety, this definition applies. Yet the idea of anxiety as a disability still surprises people.
“You don’t choose to be anxious,” clarifies Josh. “The amygdala, the part of your brain that triggers fear, isn’t part of your thinking brain. You can’t just switch it off because you’ve decided to stop worrying.” He believes: “If your priority becomes about not feeling anxious instead of actually living your life, that’s when you know something’s wrong.”
Alison Seponara, therapist and co- host of The Anxiety Chicks podcast, agrees: “If your anxiety is affecting your sleep, eating, relationships, or work, then it’s more than everyday stress. That’s when you’re looking at something potentially debilitating.”
DOOM SCROLLING
More than two million people are currently waiting for mental health treatment in England alone. There’s also been a rise in disability benefit claims for mental health conditions since the pandemic. On paper, it looks like the UK is suffering from an anxiety epidemic, but Josh says it’s probably always been this bad: “We’re just more willing to talk about it now.”
So why does it seem to grip us now more than ever? Josh thinks the “24/7 world” we live in plays a big role: “We’re bombarded with information – on our phones, the news, social media – it’s impossible to switch off. You can’t spend your life in fifth gear without consequences.”
Research shows that people spending two to four hours a day online are more likely to experience anxiety and depression. Alison has noticed this in her clients and believes that social media has aggravated their conditions. “If you have health anxiety and your feed is full of medical scare stories, it’s going to make things seem worse,” she explains. “The digital world can be amazing, but you need boundaries, or it will consume you.”
FEAR VS FACT
Unfortunately, not all the information you consume online is true, and a lot of the videos and photos may be doctored using Artificial Intelligence (AI). Many of the people on the internet also lie: “We’ve all met that person who says: ‘I don’t get anxious because I don’t worry about things I can’t control’.” Josh rolls his eyes. “But anxiety isn’t a choice.” He also stresses the chasm between normal nerves and a clinical disorder. “Being nervous before a driving test is not the same as having disordered anxiety,” Josh states. “The difference is night and day.”
“Anxiety has become a buzzword,” continues Alison. “But when the term is used loosely, we downplay what it’s like to live with an actual anxiety disorder.”
If you do have anxiety disorder, finding the right therapist is key (which, for the record, should not be an AI chatbot). “I’ve had people come see me who’ve told ChatGPT all their symptoms at 3am, and they’re told they’ve got half a dozen different disorders.”
Josh throws up his hands, saying: “Look, AI can be brilliant if you use it the right way: for learning about treatment approaches, or for getting ideas to take to your therapist. But it’s not an actual therapist. You can’t outsource empathy to an algorithm.”
If you have an anxiety disorder, you need someone trained to treat it, whether that be in third-wave CBT (behavioural interventions that incorporate concepts like mindfulness and personal values), or in a specific treatment. Alison encourages you to keep trying, even if it doesn’t seem to work at first. “Finding the right therapist is like dating – you might have to try a few before you find the right match.”
ACCEPTANCE
At the end of the day, both Josh and Alison know how loud anxiety can feel, but admit that recovery is really about learning to tolerate the noise.
“When you’re anxious, your instinct is to fix it: avoid, seek reassurance, distract yourself. But every time you do that, you teach your brain that anxiety is dangerous,” explains Josh. “If you live your life while feeling uncomfortable, you’re showing your brain it’s not a threat. That’s how you turn the volume down.”
It’s a principle Alison echoes in her work: “You can’t control the waves, but you can learn to surf them. Recovery is about patience, self-compassion, and facing discomfort – instead of running from it.