Whatever your age or disability, finding love can be full of ups and downs. Disabled people share their stories about the world of dating apps, meet-ups and marriage
Jude, 29
(disableddreamer.com)
“I am currently single. I’ve been on and off dating apps for a few years at different points on my queer journey, but I never stayed for long; feeling uncomfortable in my own body made it hard to feel worthy of connection. I returned to the apps as the most current version of me as a trans masc person, around July 2024.
“I have had people who find my disability interesting which can be great, but it can also come across as a desire to be a devotee, which grosses me out.
“My advice to others would be to work on loving and honouring yourself – not because it’s a replacement for relationship love, but because it puts you in a healthier place when looking, and hopefully leads to going through less painful relationships. It also sets a bar to meet: I’ve come to enjoy my time with myself, and the person I look into dating now has to meet that enjoyment.”
Zara, 27
As an individual with a physical disability and Muslim too, I’ve not had any experience of dating. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very lovable, but it’s my additional needs that put people off.
I have tried apps – to be specific, Muzz, an app for single Muslims looking for their other halves, since dating is forbidden. I never got a chance to meet anyone off the app… perhaps I was too young and knew what the dangers of online dating were [sadly, Zara had money stolen by someone via online dating].
Once I did try to hide my disability. I never shared my pictures, but things were moving too fast and I had to tell him about my disability. He did not want to know me any further.
If you’re someone like me that constantly faces rejections from society, hold on to hope that – one day – true love will find you. I have a couple of friends who have disabilities and who are engaged or happily married. I look up to them.
Pete, 63
I have Functional Neurological Disorder which leads to collapses and spasms. I’ve been looking all my life for that one person. The women I’ve gone on dates with were nice, but we’ve rarely had a second date. I was speaking to one lady; she told me she’s fallen for me, and now I find out she’s a US citizen on a work permit… I have a feeling she wants me because she wants to apply for citizenship here in the UK.
My advice is not to use apps or websites as they’re just a longwinded way to get ghosted. If you’re feeling brave, go to a speed dating event – I might try this soon.
Ashleigh, 33 and Wei-Kan, 56
Ashleigh: “We first met at Whetley Hill Resource Centre and have been together sixteen years. Wei-Kan is so kind and, in June last year, he asked me to marry him! I was so surprised and didn’t have any inkling that he would propose; I was not expecting a proposal. I said yes straight away! I enjoyed everything about our wedding day – it was very special.”
Wei-Kan: “I had been thinking about proposing for a long time – we love each other – and we had the best day.”
Nicole, 33
(iampossiblefoundation.co.uk)
“When I first went on dating apps, I didn’t know if I should hide my limb difference or not. But I chose to make it obvious and get it out of the way after some negative experiences, so I was upfront and put on my profile ‘I’m an independent mum of two who proudly identifies as a disabled woman. If you don’t like that, you can swipe the other way’ – along with a full body photo.
“I’m now in a really happy, solid relationship I found away from the apps. I have a disability consultancy business and Harvey is a wheelchair basketball coach, so we were following the same people on Instagram. He started messaging me and we realised we were both going to be at a camp in Tennessee together – it was like the universe was getting involved! I went for a coffee with him, and it felt like the opposite of everything I’ve ever experienced. He’s my cheerleader, which is something I’ve never had. I’ve always felt I’ve had to keep small and stay in the background.”
Emily, 30
(throughwriting.co.uk)
“I would like to meet someone very organically. I’m really focused on my work at the minute, so it would be good to meet someone through that.
“I’ve recently been cheated on. The comparison that I, as a disabled person, put myself through when finding out my partner had cheated on me… It just felt heavier somehow. I’ve been cheated on by almost all of my ex partners, and it’s really hard to not make that about myself and the way I look [Emily has a limb difference] – even though I know it’s not me, and those people have problems within themselves. I feel confident that I’m a good partner and a good person. But when it’s happened so many times, it’s difficult not to take on board.
“My hope for the future of my relationships would be that I meet someone who loves in the same way that I love. And my advice to single disabled people looking for love would be to find someone you can connect with, who has that open and accepting frame of mind.”