Samantha Renke shares her experiences around the anger she often feels as a Disabled person, and how she manages those emotions
It’s ok to feel angry as a Disabled person sometimes. Life for anyone is tough. But throw health issues and ignorance into the mix, and life is undoubtedly much harsher.
PUT UP, SHUT UP
Despite this apparent struggle, I often get the feeling that Disabled people are (to a degree) expected to put up and shut up!
Gratitude guilt is a real thing – we’re almost programmed to be grateful for the token love, acceptance or accommodations that are thrown our way, instead of being encouraged to demand more, fight for our agency and condemn disability discrimination.
Yet, when we do advocate for our rights and our safety, we can be gaslit. The phrase, ‘We’ve got a ramp’, followed by a beaming smile – as though this should make us feel so included and grateful – is something I’m sure many of you have experienced. We daren’t point out legal requirements or duties, in case we’re seen as being ungrateful.
SCARY
As a Disabled adult, I never really feel safe or secure. There’s always uncertainty. We’re beholden to pre-Disabled people, who have no idea what our lives look and feel like. It’s so scary.
In the first week of 2025, I had a PA quit without notice or explanation. Then, after enquiring about a holiday destination, I received an email that read: ‘Unfortunately, none of our cabins are wheelchair friendly at present – this is something we’d love to make happen in the future.’ Additionally, after enquiring about the accessibility of beauty treatments, a salon worker nonchalantly told me: ‘None of our treatment rooms are on the ground floor’.
EMBRACE YOUR ANGER
So yes, sometimes I get so angry at the world. Over the years, instead of hiding this anger, I’ve embraced it.
I’ve cried, I’ve written complaints, I’ve offloaded to my Disabled friends, and I’ve set boundaries by saying: ‘Actually, that’s really upset me,’ or ‘Can you clarify what you mean?’.
However… here comes a ‘but’. But if you’re going to feel and embrace these raw, unfiltered emotions, it’s important you safeguard your wellbeing, particularly your mental health.
Have your ‘violin’ days, cry and offload. But understand that anger can spiral into resentment, hopelessness, envy and bitterness – none of which will make you feel better or more empowered in the long-term.
I was once this person; I allowed my anger at the injustices I encountered to warp my view on life and what really mattered. I have so much to be grateful for; so much joy. Don’t lose sight of that.
Now I give myself a cut-off point. Anger has its time and place… Just don’t let it spill out. Now I turn anger into something proactive. We can’t change the ableist world overnight, but we can change how we interact with it.